It's in the Blood
by BloodFromTheThorn
Summary: What if the events of Iron Man 2 didn't happen until after the Avengers? How would the team react to the knowledge one of their own was dying? Requested from Youwannabekate. Some Pepperony.


_Ok, background: __**this is important.**__ This story happens as though Iron Man 2 never occurred. IM 1 and the Avengers proceeded as they do in the films but the whole Palladium poisoning scenario didn't. Oh, and Tony and Pepper are still together._

_This was requested by the great and wonderful __**Youwannabekate.**_

_This had been in the pipes for far too long. I've re-written this _three _times! It just wouldn't do what I want it to but I hope this is alright. I'm still not very happy with it but I couldn't leave you waiting any longer._

* * *

Tony seemed to spend most of his life dying. Apparently, that was just what the world had decided for him and there was little he could do to change it, short of flipping the bird and clinging on for all he was worth. And he was pretty damn good at it at this point.

But this was just one time too many, even for him. The only thing keeping him alive was killing him? _God _he hated irony.

* * *

Given that most of the general public accused him of being horribly self obsessed, it would have been logical to assume that his first thought on seeing the thin, metallic lines crossing his chest was something like _'oh god I'm going to die.' _That would probably have been anyone's response. But to be honest, the only thing that really registered in his mind beyond the blank shock was _'this is going to kill Pepper.' _

He rolled his top back down, sick of looking at the circle of light that no longer shone but glared, fierce as it drained the life from his bones. He really should have planned from something like this but the thought that the arc reactor was going to start poisoning him really hadn't occurred; the reactors in his factories and in the tower disposed of the loose ions by feeding them back into the electricity so they never had to deal with the waste. In a human body it wasn't quite that simple.

Aware that he needed to do something with his hands before he started breaking things, he started tidying up his work bench, sliding tools into drawers with practised motions and flicking off the screens manually, one by one.

If he was being honest with himself he was just buying time until he had to go upstairs and face the woman he loved, weighed down by the knowledge that he was on a countdown that he might not be able to stop. Jarvis was already running diagnostics on all known elements to see if there was anything that could provide even a temporary solution but preliminary results weren't pretty. But then, he was a genius; if anyone could pull this off it was him.

"What do you think Jarvis?" He asked as he wandered to the door of the workshop. "You think we can do this?"

"I have every faith in you sir," the AI replied but there was something in his voice that made the engineer pause; a quiet, mournful sadness. His heart squeezed in his chest, almost lost amongst the aching that had already spread through his ribcage until it was hard to breathe.

"We'll be ok J," he promised. He didn't think either of them believed it.

* * *

He hadn't told her. She'd been right there on the other side of the bed, they'd been alone and it would have been the perfect moment to tell her the truth, to end this lie that he was alright, but something had caught in his throat and clogged it until the words wouldn't come. And then Pepper was gone, shrugging off the haze of sleep and getting dressed to go to work. He'd pleaded with her to stay but she hadn't heard the sincerity in his voice and had just laughed softly, planting a kiss on his temple and leaving as though she'd never been there in the first place.

A very large part of him was asking him what the point even was of getting out of bed, of droning on with another day when soon enough there would be no more days. Everything he had would be lost to him and he would pass into oblivion, barely putting a scratch on the world he was leaving behind.

But then he thought of Pepper and it was enough to get his aching muscles moving again, hauling his sluggish body towards the shower. He owed it to her to at least try to fix this and he was damned if he was going to let her down. She deserved better.

He managed to get past the team and back to his lab without incident, snagging an apple on the way but not lingering long enough for them to ask any questions. His main plan was to just avoid the team as much as he could for as long as he could in the hopes that they would never even find out there was anything wrong - he had no illusions that he could lie convincingly to Natasha or Clint and he had made a promise with himself to always be honest with Bruce. He'd hate to have to break his promise.

As soon as he was safely concealed in the lab he downed three painkillers and half a glass of scotch - who said you couldn't drink before lunch time?

"What's new Jarvis? Did you find anything?"

"There is only one other known element that would be suitable for the core of the arc reactor: Darmstadtium. However it does not occur naturally and you would therefore have to synthesise it yourself. I should also inform you that it decays within minutes and would release alpha radiation into your bloodstream."

"It would cost massive amounts of money and kill me faster? Well, doesn't that sound like a party," he replied, frowning at the ceiling. Apparently the AI was in a bad mood today.

"Indeed sir."

"Can you cut down on the sass? My life is sort of on the line here J," he scolded softly but he wasn't truly angry. He just felt so completely worn out that there wasn't space for anything stronger than mild irritation and that was at a push. He considered for a long moment. "Alright then. Let's try diatomic compounds. Stay within the parameters of anything that exists as a solid even at high temperatures and something that has a half life of more than... a year? Yeah, try that."

"Very good sir," the AI replied. "I also wish to inform you that I have created a formula that should help to slow the accumulation of palladium in your blood stream." A list of ingredients flickered onto the screen beside the billionaire. "I believe that it should be safe for you to drink."

"Thanks J. Order the ingredients can you?"

"Already done sir. They should be arriving in an hour or so." Tony hummed vaguely, silently revelling in the knowledge that Jarvis looked after him so well - he owed the AI a lot.

The time slipped away then as he watched various compounds be considered and then disregarded. Each time the screen flashed red Tony felt another piece of him crumple in disappointment, the seriousness of his situation settling in his gut like a stone.

Four hours later and he was no closer to prolonging his life than he had been when he woke up.

"Tony?" Bruce's voice was enough to startle him so badly that he almost fell out of his chair, hands coming up to switch off the monitors without thinking about it. The doctor hesitated in the doorway to the lab, watching the billionaire with curious eyes. "Are you... alright?" He asked awkwardly after a moment of silence.

"Err, yeah, sorry you startled me," he told him with a forced smile that neither of them believed. Bruce clearly didn't want to leave it at that, his eyes straying to the now dark monitors but he let it go with one last searching look at the billionaire.

"Steve's cooking lunch for the rest of us. We were wondering if you were going to come up."

Tony really wanted to say no. He knew that this would only end in disaster but he was aware that declining the offer was sure to raise questions of its own and that was something he would rather avoid. He was nodding before he had really thought it through.

"Sure. I'll be right there." Bruce nodded slowly, his eyes still narrowed at him in suspicion. He'd learnt how to read the billionaire in time, how to understand his minute expressions that most didn't even see and they allowed him to know Tony better than almost anyone. The engineer offered him another fake smile and watched with a heavy heart as his friend retreated in silence.

It wasn't until Bruce had vanished that he noticed how the emptiness of the room was suffocating him.

* * *

Tony was very accustomed to people talking behind his back. There was a time when he revelled in the attention, enjoyed hearing whispered rumours about him that had spiralled out of control but he'd never had to deal with his _friends _discussing his habits - he'd not had that many friends to begin with. So when he walked into the kitchen-dining room in the penthouse and all conversation ceased he was more than a little stunned and, though he was unwilling to admit it, hurt.

Bruce almost instantly started explaining his recent work involving trying to create a medical serum from his own blood to an initially bewildered - but recovering quickly - Clint. After another moment Steve managed to start an easy conversation with Thor but Tony didn't feel like listening. It was taking everything he had not to turn and walk out again to bury himself back in his work with his bots that wouldn't silently judge him or talk about him behind his back but that would just raise more questions and not-so-subtle looks.

He slid awkwardly into one of the stools at the counter - and man did he _hate _awkward - sending a vague smile at Natasha that wasn't returned before huffing slightly to himself and poking at the tablet he had brought with him. He didn't really have anything to do beyond look for a cure for himself (and he could hardly do that in front of the others without giving the game away) but he decided that it would make him look less pathetic.

"You're looking a bit peaky," Clint ventured after a long stretch of uncomfortable stillness. Steve had busied himself at the hob, cooking something that probably smelled wonderful but merely served as an aroma that sent Stark's stomach into flips.

"Long night," he muttered back before he caught himself and sent a forced smile in the archer's direction, raising a shoulder in a '_what can you do' _type of gesture. Clint clearly didn't buy it for a second but he couldn't keep pushing without a confrontation so he just sighed softly and turned to Steve to ask where the food was.

After that it was easier. The air was still stifled with that horrible awkwardness that clung to Tony's throat with cold fingers but he did his best not to let his discomfort show and the others seemed to think it best to let the matter lie. Conversation flowed in short bursts that the engineer paid very little attention to beyond responding to direct questions - if the team noticed his distraction they didn't bring it up.

He was however hyper aware of the fact that Bruce's eyes didn't leave his face for the entire meal, a little crease between his eyebrows that made him look slightly like he was in pain.

_'God, I'm sorry Bruce,' _he apologised silently. _'I never meant to upset you like this.' _

As soon as the food was finished he excused himself again, throwing them a wide, fake smile and telling them that he had far too much work to be detained with small talk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bruce rise slightly to follow him before he was stopped by Clint's hand snapping out to his arm and shaking his head ever so slightly. So that's how it was going to be. They'd wait until he was out of earshot and then talk about him behind his back rather than just confronting him - some friends.

He knew as soon as he thought it that he was being unfair and he almost instantly felt a thick swell of guilt slide into his veins. Clint had tried to ask him what was wrong and he had shut him down. Bruce had done the same in the lab. With a heart like lead, he left without another word.

* * *

More days passed in a similar fashion. Tony did whatever he could to avoid talking to the others for extended periods of time, especially as it became harder and harder to hide the growing pain in his chest. Every breath burned through him until he had to remind himself to keep hauling air in and out of poisoned lungs. It was showing in other ways too, his thoughts scattering more frequently, his hands shaking and a permanent sweat clinging to his skin. To anyone else he would look feverish.

Jarvis was working overtime, continually running scan after scan on every conceivable compound, searching for something - _anything - _that could work as a viable replacement to Palladium and it was killing Tony (no pun intended) to watch each and every one come up blank. The AI himself wasn't taking it well and kept trying to convince the billionaire to tell the others, tell _Pepper_, but Tony just couldn't do it.

He knew it was selfish and cowardly but he just _couldn't._

And so he kept his silence, ignoring the strange stares he got from his friends, chugging down the revolting chlorophyll smoothies without complaint and trying to pretend that he wasn't slowing losing hope.

* * *

After two weeks of dead ends and false hope Tony realised that he had to be objective about this and stop concentrating so hard on his denial. He was _dying. _Maybe he could fix that and maybe he couldn't but either way it wouldn't do any harm to be prepared for the worst and that meant that he had to accept this.

_'You're only human Tony,' _he reminded himself sagely. He allowed the thought to fill him for a long moment before he was moving, his arm snapping out like a snake and hurling the first thing that came to hand - an old screwdriver - across the room. It smashed into a pile of metal scraps he had taken out of one of his suits weeks ago with an almighty crash, banishing the silence with beautiful chaos.

He didn't stop with that. Nothing in his lab was safe from his wrath other than his suits - he couldn't have damaged them even if he tried - and the equipment that was currently working to save his life. Everything else was fair game and he smashed and shattered and tore until his arms ached so fiercely he barely noticed the agony in his chest. When he couldn't summon the strength to throw anything else he resorted to using his legs, sending tables and tools flying in his wake, his own personal tornado of pent up frustration and terror.

A distant voice in the back of his head marvelled at how fortunate it had been that he had soundproofed the labs. This sort of ruckus would have drawn one of the others and right now the thing he wanted least in the world was to look a friend in the eye and force a lie about how he was just fine, thanks for asking.

Eventually his rage ran its course and he collapsed in the centre of the destruction, trying to breathe around uncooperative ribs while his limbs trembled with exertion.

"I'm not alright," he murmured to himself eventually, his head bowed and eyes clenched shut.

"Sir?" Jarvis asked quietly, hesitant.

"Mute," he gasped out, chest still heaving under stress it could no longer cope with. The AI shut off without another word.

He was alone.

* * *

His breakdown, such as it was, had been a turning points of sorts. He had accepted, to the best of his ability, that there was a very real possibility he wasn't going to be able to fix this and even though that thought alone burned a trail of acid right through him, he had made what peace he could with it.

The lab was a wreck but he spent his idle moments clearing what he could, sorting through old projects he had never really completed and throwing away certain things, storing others he couldn't bear to part with. One thing he knew for certain was that if he did die he didn't want Pepper to have to go through his belongings. He couldn't do that to her.

His will was more difficult. Of course he already had one but it hadn't been updated in a few years and he would be damned if he didn't leave the team at least something. They deserved it. And so he paid off a few people to be his witnesses (who would have known keeping a billionaire's death a secret would be so hard) and filed a new one that stated pretty much everything went to Pepper while Rhodes and Happy got more money than they would know what to do with and the Avengers were promised rights to the top floors of the tower, where they could live and work for as long as they so chose.

Then Tony got to work. He had found it frustrating that he knew he was in serious trouble and yet there was nothing he could do about it apart from watch endless simulations fail but now he had a new mission.

Ever since he had realised he was being slowly poisoned he had been aware that deep within him a spark had gone out, spluttering like a candle flame and he knew that Pepper and the team had seen the difference. The dullness in his eyes had been awful. But now that he had a project he could put his hands to, bending metal and wires in the way he loved, that spark roared back into life, lighting him up and forcing new life into sorely aching bones.

The ever growing pain hampered his progress somewhat but it didn't matter. He would have enough time.

There was a downside to this new, bordering-on-obsessive Tony: there was no hiding the change in his behaviour from the team and it wasn't long before the questions became hard to answer. He knitted together half truths and outright lies but any fool could see that they weren't buying it; he wasn't going to be able to keep this from them much longer and he dreaded the moment that everything came crashing down around him.

* * *

It was after another horrendously awkward lunch one Thursday that the team silently decided that enough was enough.

"Something's definitely wrong with him," Clint announced as soon as he was sure Stark had vanished into the elevator as per usual. The tower wasn't really the place for this conversation, where Jarvis was always listening and would no doubt report what they said to the engineer but them all leaving at once was equally as suspicious.

"He clearly doesn't want to talk about it," Steve reasoned solemnly. "Maybe we should leave it alone."

"Tony isn't exactly one for sharing his problems, no matter how gruesome they are," Bruce argued back calmly. "Even if he was in a lot of trouble he'd no doubt try and hide it from us, even if there was a chance we could help. You remember what happened after New York?"

Steve's face twisted into a grimace at the reminder of that particular fiasco. Once Loki had been secured and hauled away to a S.H.I.E.L.D facility until he could be taken back to Asgard, the team found themselves crashing at the tower, too exhausted to find anywhere else to stay for the night. Tony had spent the time in what was left of his lab - it hadn't been too badly damaged in the attack but it still needed some repairs - apparently waiting for Pepper to return to the city. What he had failed to mention to the team was that his arc reactor had been badly displaced by its brief stint in space and subsequent falling from the sky. Steve had had the misfortune of wandering into the lab to find the billionaire sprawled on the floor, barely breathing, with his reactor hanging out of his chest - it had taken the soldier days to get over the shock of it.

"Bruce is right. Stark's self preservation instinct has never been all that strong," Natasha intoned. "If he's in trouble he probably wouldn't tell us until he had no other choice."

"We should not pry into what friend Stark does not want to tell us," Thor argued, his face torn. "He has every right to keep his secrets."

"Tony's a part of this team now, even though he doesn't really acknowledge it. We're his friends and we deserve to know the truth," Bruce murmured. "If he's in trouble I want to know. We can help."

"He wouldn't take kindly to us demanding answers," Steve said, his brow furrowing.

"Maybe you should go and talk to him Bruce," Clint suggested. "He's more likely to tell you than he is us."

The doctor was shaking his head. "No, you can't just dump this one on me. He knows that I saw those scans in the lab the other week so he's already wary of me. Besides, this concerns _all_ of us. "

"We could call Pepper," Natasha said but her voice made it clear that she didn't think it was a good idea.

"And say what? 'We think Tony might be in trouble, can you talk to him because we're all too scared?'" Steve shook his head. "We can't just go running to Pepper every time something happens to Tony. It's not fair on either of them."

"What do you propose we do then?" Clint asked, his face deceptively calm. Bruce could see the way his fists had clenched in suppressed emotion.

"Maybe you should stop talking about me behind my back?" They all spun to stare at the doorway to the kitchen, flinching at the sight of Tony leaning against the doorframe, his face murderous. The billionaire's whole body was rigid, eyes glinting like flint while his fingers clenched impulsively on his biceps - none of them had ever seen him so incensed.

"Tony!" Bruce spluttered out, too surprised to really process what was going on.

"No, don't worry I get it. It's not like you could just _ask _me if there was anything wrong instead of just assuming I'm hiding something," he hissed, his voice like ice yet so full of rage they could almost feel the fury press against them.

"I saw those scans Tony - you wouldn't be looking into your arc reactor unless there was a problem," the doctor defended softly, silently cursing the others for their silence. They had apparently decided that he should be the one to diffuse the situation.

"In case it had slipped your notice, my arc reactor is a technological marvel," the engineer snapped, his voice heating for the first time. "I scan it _all the time._"

"You run _electronic_ scans on it. Not ultrasounds and x-rays."

"I was curious," Tony defended but they all saw the way he flinched slightly at the accusation.

"Tony we didn't mean any harm," Steve tried to placate, only just managing to hide his wince when the engineer turned his blazing eyes on the Captain. "We're worried about you."

"I don't need your worry," he spat back. "I'm _fine._"

The room went very quiet for a moment, no one quite knowing what to say in the face of that so obvious lie; even Thor, who normally went with what people were saying, could hear the false note in those two words. When the silence frayed away into a painful stillness Tony sighed softly, his body sagging slightly in what could only be described as defeat as he moved into the room and dropped heavily into a seat. His head fell into his hands with a finality that made Bruce's heart hurt.

"Tony, we're your friends," he pleaded with him. "We just want to help you."

The silence stretched so long the doctor had started to believe the engineer wasn't going to answer him until: "You can't help me."

"You never know until you try," Clint offered, his face softer than its usual impassive facade.

Tony shook his head stubbornly, looking up at them all. "I'm... There's a problem with the reactor," he admitted slowly, brushing aside the startled looks he was sent. "It's nothing like that. Just something I'm looking into."

"Is it dangerous for you?" Steve asked.

Looking very much like he didn't want to answer, the engineer grimaced. "Technically. I'm working on it."

"How dangerous?"

"It'll be fine Rogers," he dismissed. "I'll fix it before there's any permanent damage." There was something in his voice then that Bruce couldn't identify, something he'd never heard from the billionaire before. It worried him more than he was willing to admit.

"What's wrong with it?" Natasha's voice was a careful blend of curiosity and gentle sadness.

"It's complicated. Arc reactors weren't designed to be embedded in someone's chest," he pointed out bluntly, a hand subconsciously rubbing at the circle of light on his chest. "It's nothing to worry about," he insisted but there was too much defensiveness in his voice for them to believe him.

"And yet you're worried," she observed softly. Her face was more open than Bruce had ever seen it and yet he could see that Tony was struggling to meet her gaze, afraid of those piercing eyes.

"I'm cautious. What can I say, I'm a cautious person." He was trying now, starting to look convincing and that steel was back in his voice. His shoulders tensed up again and he straightened almost imperceptibly as the mask slipped back over his face to hide the rawness beneath.

"Let me help you work on it," Bruce pleaded, knowing that Tony wasn't going to let this conversation continue for much longer. "You're the expert on technology but I'm the biologist. I could help."

The engineer was shaking his head before the doctor had even finished speaking. "It's not as dire as all that-" Bruce only just heard the lie there "-so you needn't worry. Honestly guys, I'll be fine." He shrugged casually, as though he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders and offered them a smile that was almost believable - it was an impressive mask.

"Promise me Tony," Bruce murmured just before the billionaire vanished again, doing his best to hide the way his hands were trembling. "Promise me that you're alright."

Tony just looked at him. In that endless moment understanding flowed freely between them, silent and terrible and so, so painful that Bruce almost staggered under the weight of such knowledge. He didn't though. He stood his ground, trying to convince the billionaire with his eyes that everything would be alright, that they were all there for him but from the closed off grief in the dark depths his message wasn't received. Eventually Tony sighed again, rubbing at his eyes tiredly - the motion didn't fit with the billionaire's normal, buoyant nature.

"Don't mention this to Pepper," was all he said before he vanished into the elevator a second time.

* * *

_'They know.' _That was all he could really focus on, distracting him from his work to the point he had to give up after he had wired the same circuit board wrong three times in a row. It had been two days since the confrontation in the kitchen and Tony had spent the whole time in his lab, door locked securely behind him with music blaring as loud as he could make it - it drowned out the knocks on the door nicely.

Pepper seemed content to leave him to it which must mean that the others had done as he'd asked and kept their mouths shut, thank god. He knew that he had been hurting her recently with his distance but he just knew that if he tried to be close to her right now he wouldn't be able to keep himself from telling her everything. Whatever she was feeling now was nothing compared to the moment when she realised he was dying.

It was something he was coping with more now. Admitting to the others that he was in trouble - whilst being a horrible experience he never wanted to repeat - had been tremendously helpful with the whole acceptance thing. Of course, he was still doing his very best to find a replacement for the core but he had gotten something of a handle on his raging emotions.

He was dragged from his musings as the music dimmed slightly so that Jarvis could speak.

"Sir, I need to inform you that Dr Banner has been requesting access to the lab for the last half hour. He is currently threatening to retrieve Mr Odinson to break in."

Tony sighed to himself, wincing as the movement sent flares through his chest. "Let him in J," he ordered, rubbing idly at the reactor. A second later Bruce was there, looking as though he had just walked into a warzone unarmed, his face pale under the bright lights.

"What happened in here?" He asked, glancing around with something close to horror. The billionaire was suddenly aware that the workshop was still a mess, tables and machines scattered and torn apart. He blinked innocently and shrugged.

"Did you need something?"

"I... Err..." Bruce shook himself, recovering from his surprise slowly. "I was wondering how you were doing." He talked straight over Tony's predictable excuse. "I know that you don't want to talk to me about it but please Tony. If you won't tell me about the reactor then tell me about _you. _I've barely seen you the past few weeks."

"I've got a lot of work to do," he defended but even as he spoke he beckoned the doctor forwards, gesturing to one of the few upright chairs. "I don't know what you want me to say Bruce."

"Have you made any progress?"

"A bit," he lied. Bruce was kind enough not to point it out. "I'm alright you know. You don't have to come and check up on me."

"Maybe I just wanted to say hello," the doctor replied innocently. "I hate to admit it but I've missed your sarcasm. Without you there to distract Clint, he's become a menace. He stole Cap's uniform and replaced it with an American flag."

Tony doubled over with laughter that descended into hacking coughs and gasps of pain. Lost in a haze it took him a long moment to realise that Bruce's hand was rubbing his shoulder comfortingly while he took the engineer's pulse, a light frown marring his face. He didn't say a word as Tony fought to get his breath back, just stayed there as a comforting presence, offering nothing but companionship.

"I'll be alright," he said eventually, trying to convince himself more than Bruce. The doctor sighed softly, backing away to give the engineer more room to breathe.

"You don't have to do this alone you know. I know that you don't want us to worry about you and that you believe asking for help is weak but you really shouldn't think like that Tony," he insisted, his voice more earnest than it had been before. "We're already worried about you. Please, let me help."

"There's nothing you can do Bruce. There's nothing _I _can do, except wait."

"Tony... How serious is this? How much damage are we talking about here?" Bruce's voice was careful, his eyes sombre.

The engineer looked at him, taking in the tense shoulders and the trembling hands. "You know the answer to that."

Neither of them said anything else after that. What else was there left to say? Tony had finally admitted his diagnosis (not in so many words, but hey, it was the thought that counts) and Bruce seemed to have understood that the engineer wasn't lying when he said that the team really couldn't help.

When the doctor finally left all he offered was a soft, sad smile and a very quiet: "You should really talk to Pepper, Tony."

* * *

It wasn't for another three days that the first of his projects was finished - had this been any normal week he could have done it in half the time but his body was deteriorating quickly, complete with blurred vision and shaking hands. It was like the worst hangover in the world _all the time_. But he'd gritted his teeth against the aches and pains and did what he could to keep focussed.

Jarvis helped keep him on track with continual, gentle reminders of what he should be doing as well as shutting off the power to the lab whenever he determined that Tony needed rest - it was a remarkably effective method of control.

But despite the pitfalls and mistakes he could finally put his hands on his prize.

Finding the team wasn't exactly hard. When people weren't running around on missions or in the third world or in Asgard they tended to either stick to their respective floors or the main floor of the penthouse that Stark had opened as a communal area for the team. Today it just so happened that Nat, Clint, Steve and Bruce were watching a film on an enormous wide-screen TV, sharing popcorn and painting the perfect picture of family.

It almost hurt to see.

"Widow, can I talk to you?" Natasha sent him a questioning stare but extracted herself from Clint's lap and followed him out the room without asking. Tony tried to ignore the eyes that tracked his movement - waiting for him to collapse on them? It wasn't until they were a few corridors over that the engineer stopped and turned to the assassin.

"What's going on?" She asked, her voice carefully neutral. There was a flicker deep within her eyes that he did his best not to recognise as pity.

"First off, I needed to give you these," he said, thrusting his creation at her without preamble. It was something he was quite proud of: a new pair of gauntlets, complete with various Stark upgrades, all designed for her fighting style. She took them without taking her eyes from his face, her gaze confused and concerned but still somehow professionally calm. "I've been planning them for a while and I thought that they wouldn't be finished for a month or two but I wanted to get them done - I hope they're ok."

Finally, her eyes dropped to the objects in her hands, eyes gleaming with curiosity.

When the Avengers had come to the tower Tony had made it his personal mission to ensure that they had all the tech they could ever possibly need and he had also started working on upgrading their weapons. It said a lot for how much he trusted them that he had gone back into the arm's business, even if it was on a minute scale.

He was vaguely aware that he was nervous she wouldn't like them, so he covered his discomfort with talking. "The charge is about three times higher than your last ones - don't touch it or it _will_ kill you - and they'll last longer in battle. The left one also has a container of anaesthetic that you can inject someone with should you choose to. Just please don't use it on me." A small smile graced her lips at that. "Also, there's this." A gun materialised in his hands from seemingly nowhere and he handed it to her, careful to offer it grip end first. "That will only work when you're wearing the gauntlets which means you're the only one that can use it. It's got an extended magazine and is semi-automatic."

She nodded slowly as he spoke, listening to every word and taking mental notes and once he was finished she looked back up at him, saying simply: "Thank you." It was honest and from Natasha that was more meaningful than some elaborate show of gratitude, touching in a way few people could be.

"I thought it better to sort this out now just in case-" he stopped himself there, unwilling to voice what they both knew he had been going to say: _'in case there isn't a later.'_

"I thought you said that you were working on something," she said, her brow furrowed in genuine confusion. Her eyes flickered to the reactor.

He frowned at her. "You're better at reading people than that. Don't tell me that you actually believed all that crap."

"Maybe I _wanted_ to believe you," she pointed out. "Maybe you're a better liar than you think." He flinched a little at that but at this point, he deserved it so he didn't refute the accusation.

"I _am _working on it. But to be honest..." he trailed off, staring over Natasha's shoulder in such a way that she knew he wasn't seeing anything. After a moment he shrugged. "Such is life. Or death, apparently." He was putting up a valiant effort but like he had said, she was good at reading people; she could see the tenseness in his shoulders, the lines around his eyes.

"You're afraid." She didn't say it in accusation, just stated a fact.

"Wouldn't you be? Actually don't answer that." He suddenly looked twitchy, like there was something he wanted to say but he couldn't quite get it out. Eventually though he seemed to muster courage from somewhere and took a deep breath. "There was something else. I've... made arrangements. I've made sure that you'll all be looked after - financially at least - and no one can make you leave the tower if you don't want to. Pretty much everything I have is going to Pepper and I know she's not just going to ditch you. But I needed to ask you." The words came out in a rush but here he hesitated, looking younger than he ever had before while at the same time seeming a thousand years old. Just like Stark: a living, breathing oxymoron. "Look after them," he said after another long minute of silence. "Look after _her._"

"You know I will," Natasha replied without hesitation, making sure that there was no lie in her voice for him to hear.

"You'll have to fight Pepper on this. She won't want help from anyone, not even you or Rhodey but she's not going to be able to bear this alone and I need you to promise me that you'll be there even when she's screaming at you to leave." His voice was earnest, afraid and yet strong. Natasha had never had more respect for another human being in her life; here he was, admitting that he was terrified to die, and yet he was pleading for someone else's safety.

"I swear to you Tony. I'll look after her. The others too. I will not abandon them." Her words had the effect she wanted them to and she watched as some of that fear bled out of his eyes, leaving behind a horrible resignation that made her heart thud in her chest more heavily than before. Natasha didn't let people in easily but when she did, they stuck in her heart like barbs - she didn't know what would happen if she had to tear Tony out. On a spur of the moment decision she embraced him, a short flash of contact that only lasted for a moment - by the time he had worked out what was going on she had already released him and was disappearing into another room without another word. He knew better than to follow her.

* * *

"Friend Stark!" Thor greeted jovially, apparently oblivious to the dark mood that had been clinging to the billionaire for days. "It has been too long since we last spoke."

"Yeah, it has big guy," he admitted, trying to force away the gloom from his thoughts. More recent scans were showing an increase in the rate of toxicity - he was fading fast here and he still had absolutely no clue as to how to stop his rapid decline. "How've you been?"

For a while it was nice. Calming. They just sat there talking about absolutely everything and nothing and then Thor cracked open the mead (which Tony point blank refused to touch) and they spent hours telling stories of old battles and childhood adventures. But inevitably it had to falter soon.

There was a brief lull in the conversation and Thor took the silence as an opening to sober up slightly and turn all his attention onto the billionaire.

"How are you fairing Man of Iron? I know that you are not well but I am unclear as to the nature of your injury."

There was too much to tell him. To explain the true nature of the Palladium poisoning he would have to explain what the arc reactor was and with someone like Thor who had no understanding of technology that would be next to impossible. So he simplified.

"It's complicated. This little circle of light? It's not really meant to be there. My body isn't able to cope with it."

Thor's brow furrowed. "I thought that you needed it to survive," he said hesitantly, his eyes fixed on the reactor.

Tony let out a humourless laugh. "I do. But it also happens to be toxic."

The god suddenly tensed, his eyes lifting to hold Tony's gaze and pin him there. "You told us that you could fix this problem. That you would be alright. But you were not being honest with us, were you?" Very slowly, Tony shook his head. Thor raised his glass of mead and took a deep gulp of the stuff - the reaction was so... _human _that it forced a painful chuckle out of the billionaire that he cut off as quickly as he could, wincing.

"But I came here with a purpose," he said after the silence turned cold and uncomfortable. He reached into his pocket and dragged out a small box, cracking it open to reveal a small ear bud. "Another communicator," he explained, handing it to the god. "This one should be able to hold up against the lightning without frying like the others did. At least, that's the theory. It's hard to test something like that."

Thor took the small object very carefully, rolling it around one enormous palm like it was a gem to be admired. "Thank you my friend," he said, smiling a strange smile that Tony had only ever seen when the god reminisced about Loki. That thought sent stabbing twists of _something _into the engineer's gut and he almost doubled over under the force of the emotion.

"You're a good man Thor," he said honestly, suddenly feeling the need to say this at least once. "You don't deserve what your brother puts you through and whatever he says, no matter how much vitriol he throws at you, please don't forget that. Anyone else would have given up on the guy already but you... You're the most loyal person I've ever had the joy of meeting. Thank you for that."

It sounded too much like the goodbye it was and he snapped his mouth shut with an audible click, jerking to his feet so quickly he staggered as his chest protested viciously. Waving off Thor's concern, he practically ran from the room.

He told himself that it wasn't a retreat. He didn't believe it.

* * *

It was time to tell Pepper. It would hurt her, destroy her, but he couldn't just keep pretending that this was a problem she wouldn't have to face. It was going to happen and he needed to do what he could to make sure she would be ok.

He owed her that.

* * *

"Tony? What's going on?" Pepper's voice would always sooth him, always pull him back from that brink he teetered over.

"I need to talk to you about something Pep," he murmured, pulling her close and burying his face in her hair. God he would miss her, even in death.

"That sounds ominous," she said, trying for humour but they both knew it fell flat. Somehow the red head knew that whatever was coming was going to be something bad, something horrific, but then she always had been good at reading Tony.

"There's... I've..." He tried but his voice kept trailing into nothingness, unable to produce words of the magnitude he needed.

"Tony, please, you're scaring me," Pepper told him, pulling away so she could look at his face. "Let's sit down and you can tell me all about it." She dragged him to the sofa and curled up into his side.

"There's a problem with the reactor Pepper," he told her. He tried not to notice the way she flinched. "The core deteriorates too rapidly and it leaks neutron-heavy Palladium into my body."

"You told me once that Palladium was toxic." Her voice was very small.

"It is."

She didn't ask any more questions, just buried her face in his neck and cried silently. His arms held her close, a cage that she didn't want to escape from, while her soul just wanted to claw its way alongside his to lie together. It took him a while to realise he was crying too, the moisture leaking from his eyes without any conscious permission on his part. He could feel her pain rolling off her in waves, sharp and agonising.

_'She'll be ok,' _he told himself, tightening his arms slightly. _'Pepper's strong enough to weather the storm.'_

It was simultaneously the best and worst night of his life. It was just him and her, tangled together so closely you couldn't tell the difference between them, their souls bared and hearts open. The tears flowed freely with no signs of stopping anytime soon and they shared the heartbreak, taking comfort from the other.

_'My god, I'm so sorry Pepper.'_

_'Don't be,' _her soul would reply, sad and kind and beautiful. _'I'm not. I wouldn't trade our love to avoid the loss. Don't ever be sorry for what we have.'_

* * *

Another four days and Tony knew that he had to end this now. No more hiding, no more chinese whispers. It was this mentality that made him tell Jarvis to call a meeting in the main living room so that he could talk to the whole team and finally get this weight off his chest.

He'd been delivering his gifts like some kind of morbid, depressed Santa Claus but it was time that the others got some real answers, while there was still time to give them.

"You don't all have to look quite so nervous," he chided when they all arrived wearing identical faces of foreboding. Pepper sat beside him in silence, a warm presence for him to draw strength from; she had only left his side to allow him privacy to say goodbye to the others but apart from that they had been inseparable. "This isn't a trick or a trap or anything." No one responded which wasn't good. They took their places with forced casualness, their whole bodies silently screaming in distress at the palpable tension in the room. "Ok, you're all aware, to some extent at least, that I'm not doing so well at the moment. I've done my best not to tell you about it but at this point..." He trailed off and shook his head, rubbing at the back of his neck.

"You need to tell us the truth Tony," Natasha murmured quietly, looking as though she was the only one in the room who was holding onto her calm. "No more stories."

"You're right," he admitted, staring at the floor in front of him. Once upon a time Clint would have made a sarcastic comment about that, something like: _'the great Tony Stark admitting that someone else is right? My god it's a miracle,' _but no comment came. Just another reminder of just how much had changed in the team dynamic. "I'll tell you everything."

And so he did. He told them about a missile called the Jericho, about a cave and the greed of a man named Raza, the betrayal of an old friend, the too-late realisation that there was Palladium leaking into his bloodstream. He explained what was happening to him, how it was slowly eating away at his organs and how, for all his genius, he was out of ideas. Whilst telling his story he kept his eyes fixed on the floor, not daring to look up and see the expressions of his teammates but when he at last fell silent he found the courage to meet Bruce's gaze.

There were tears in the doctor's eyes.

"There's nothing you can do?" Clint sounded desolate. It was the quiet hopelessness of the words that cut at Tony, leaving him bleeding and raw. He shook his head.

"Surely there's something. A new reactor, something else to use as a core," Steve argued but his voice was almost as dead as Hawkeye's.

"All of the previous models of the arc reactor require a Palladium core to function," Jarvis intoned solemnly. "I have run simulations on all known elements and all stable compounds that would be acceptable. None of them could act as a viable replacement."

"Steve, I've looked. Thoroughly. Sometimes, there isn't a way out." The captain flinched as his own words were turned against him and his face crumpled in pain.

"But you're an engineer," Clint stressed. "You can't build something or buy something or make _something?" _

And suddenly something occurred to Tony, like a seed suddenly sprouting in his mind. His whole body went rigid.

_'Make something.' _Not invent something. _Make. _

"Tony?" Pepper's hands were on his shoulders, her breath on his neck but he barely even noticed for once, his whole being fixed on his tiny little idea that was slowly building.

"Make something," he repeated to himself, a tiny little smile gracing his lips for what felt like the first time in months. "Jarvis, bring up the structure of an atom of Palladium." A blue hologram appeared on the coffee table in the centre of the room. "The damage in the reactor is caused by addition of neutrons to a stable atom to create a heavy metal, isn't it?" He asked but it was rhetorical - he knew more about this than anything else.

"Yes sir. Might I enquire as to what you are thinking?"

"Remove the neutrons from the image. What would the lifetime of such an atom be?"

"Almost negligible sir. The atomic radius would have decreased too drastically to overcome the repulsive forces within the atom and it would break down."

"What's the minimum number of neutrons Palladium needs to be stable?" The rest of the team had gathered around the table and were watching him as though he had gone mad but he barely even noticed their presence.

"The lowest recorded number is 91 sir, however there has not been extensive research into the subject. If this isotope was incorporated into your reactor it would slow the rate of poisoning by 0.7%."

"Well, that could be better. Do me a favour and run a simulation for me: how much energy would I need to convert the neutrons to antimatter?"

"What are you doing Tony?" Pepper asked, her hands still attached to his shoulders, though now her fingers were digging into the muscles with stress. "You have an idea?"

"It's _crazy_, utterly insane..." He admitted, shaking his head slowly. "At this stage we try anything, right?"

"Of course." She leaned forwards to press a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth, lingering there for a moment.

"The simulation is complete," Jarvis informed them, shattering the moment without further ado.

"Remind me to tell you about tact J," Tony scolded but he wasn't really angry. "Talk to me. What have we got?" A series of graphs flickered up beside the Palladium atom showing energy readings that flashed red - god, he'd have to drain half the city.

"The energy required is immense sir. However, should you succeed, the energy of the reactor would be enough to keep the isotope stable and it should prove a viable core."

"We can do this?" Tony asked breathlessly, not willing to believe it just yet. Hoping and then losing it would kill him more effectively than any poison.

"Congratulations sir."

* * *

As expected, it wasn't easy. He had to negotiate with every power supplier in the state in order to build up the required electricity for his particle accelerator, as well as build a whole new set of tools to handle the anti-Palladium.

This time the team helped. The science was above all of them apart from Bruce but they supplied the man power needed to entirely remodel a lab in a few days and having Thor around to carry equipment weighing several tonnes was always a bonus.

There was a panic two days after his revelation when he simply collapsed. He'd been giving instructions to the two assassins, aware that his chest was hurting more than normal and then all of a sudden his legs were slipping out from under him and he was being grabbed by Clint. Jarvis had ran a quick scan to find that the levels of Palladium in his blood were hitting fatal levels. Work had sped up after that.

For Tony, the final days before making the new element were spent in his bed, half delirious. When Bruce had appeared with the rest of the team in tow with a small glowing circle in his hands, he had believed for half a moment that he had finally died and _'oh there are angels after all' _but then the new core was being pressed into his chest and everything was on fire.

His back arched horribly as his chest blazed, breathing became impossible and his world narrowed down to the glowing light that protected his heart.

"Wha-" he gasped eventually, as breath returned to him. "What was _that_?"

"A new core," Bruce said, his face torn with desperate hope and terrible fear. "Jarvis?"

"Scans appear to indicate that the anti-Palladium is functioning correctly and has eradicated the poison from Mr Stark's blood," the AI told them, his voice so happy that they could feel the joy fill the air between them.

There were tears then that no one mentioned and Pepper was latching herself to him while the team settled around the room, all exhausted but giddy with relief.

He was going to be alright. He was going to _live._

He was safe.

* * *

_I skimmed over a lot of stuff I didn't want to skim (like Pepper and Bruce) but this was so long and it had taken so much time and I'm in the middle of exams D: It was all a bit of a nightmare. I'm not happy with it. But we live and learn. I might add more to this later._

_Also: a note about science. I'm currently doing a chemistry degree so I actually know a fair bit about atoms and elements etc. I know that you can't have substances with large numbers of antiparticles in reality however, I would also like to point out that you can't have the Norse god of lightning flying around in reality. So I bent the law of physics, sue me._

_I'd love to know what you all thought, and thank you so much for reading._


End file.
